When is He Going to Marry Me!?!?!?

When is he going to marry me? We've been together for 10 years now and I've been holding him down all this time and still no wedding ring.

My story:

A long time ago, I had a relationship with someone for off and on for 3.5 years. Till this day, that is still the longest I have been with someone...even though it was off and on. Anyhow, this person and I had a good relationship. Yes, he did things - I did not like and I did things he did not like....but despite those things - we loved one another. He always told me that he didn’t want to get married. Of course, that did not sit well with me…but he always told me that. So, I always knew that in the back of my mind.

Then one day in the midst of one of our break up. I told him I couldn’t talk to him anymore b/c I was seeing someone new and that person felt he would be a threat – so he asked if I not speak with my ex anymore. My ex did not like that and he then asked me to marry him via phone. Cheesy, I know - no ring nothing. I was young and I loved him and despite our breakups – throughout it all he had always been there for me – when I needed him. So, I said yes and called it off with the other guy. Other guy wasn’t happy. Moving along. We then later moved in with one another. Staying with each other for about four months before it was officially over. Outside of my ex-husband, he’s the only other guy I have lived with that I was in a relationship with…

Meanwhile, while we lived together we split the bills and we took turns buying the groceries and things for the house. I cooked, cleaned – you know do my duties. He paid for our outings out, etc. It was cool…but as I was planning our wedding. I notice, I was the only one looking up stuff and checking stuff out. You want to know why – b/c he had no plans on marrying me even though he proposed. Why you say b/c he already had his mind made up that he was not getting married. He only ask me to marry him b/c he knew I wanted that and I quote he said: “I didn’t want to lose you.”

So, Super Bowl time came and he said he was going to go to his Hometown [another state] to watch the game with his family. I told him, when he left to not return. It shocked him. Like how could she say that after all this time. I said it not because I didn’t love him b/c I did but there was no future in us. He had no real plans on marrying me. Just us playing house. I was not up for that! I was not going to settle for that. It was a very hard decision especially income wise! I didn’t really know what I was going to do….

Where was God in our relationship you may ask – while we lived together we didn’t go to church. I read my bible, prayed and had my relationship with God. He didn’t.  [Unequally yoked - 2Corinthians 6:14]

AND after that break up. It did bring me back to my Father’s house [church] and I started gradually going back into his house and God took care of me. Yes, I had struggles but God took care of me.

Till this day, years later - we are still friends. We talk occasionally to see how one another is doing. He has not gotten married but he lives happily with his girlfriend and they share a child together, a home, car, etc – you know like a married couple. I don’t know what the future holds for him. Maybe, one day he will get married. Maybe, but I was not about to live like that…

Many of you know your significant other has no plans on getting married. Yet, you stay anyway. Hoping that they will change their mind. That you will get them to change their mind. You do all your wifey duties, yet no ring. AND you just don’t know why….if they told you they have no plans on getting married. Then you know they have no plans on getting married. So, you know why! Stop asking WHY! They told you! AND ONLY God can change a man’s heart [Ezekiel 36:26] & if they have no relationship with Him. [Unequally yoked!] Good Luck with that!

I know someone who’s been in a relationship for 10 yrs. Person loves the other person, takes good care of them and wants to get married but not ready. I tell this person, there is no way I would stay with you that long waiting! The time will never be perfect. So, if you don’t want to marry someone – why string them along, to not hurt their feelings. Let them go. Live your life and tend to whatever it is you need to – to get yourself to the standards, you have for yourself and when you are ready to settle down. Then date with that purpose. No need to string people along and then if they don’t meet up to…what you desire in a mate and you have wasted both of your years! Oh, the horror!

As ladies, a lot of us have made it really easy on men. So, they feel no real reason to get married. We do EVERYTHING as if we were their wife and we don’t have no type of commitment to them and they do whatever the heck they want. I know because I use to be like that in my lil short relationships. I have a sweet heart and see the best in people. So, I use to take on wifey role immediately. THANK GOD, through SPIRITUAL GROWTH - I know better now and do not do that anymore! I had to check myself – when I realized that about myself. I mean b/c why would a guy marry me/you – if they already get the perks of being married. Why? Doesn’t make sense. When they get bored of me/you - they can just leave whenever or just keep one on the side. Yeah, that’s no way to live!

I refuse to be with someone for years with no intentions of getting married. If you don’t want to get married, then there is no point of dating – in my opinion! I do hope to get married someday. Meanwhile, while I wait patiently for that time - I will delight myself in the Lord and he will give me the desires of my heart! [Psalms 37:4]

Here are some Scriptures for you to read about MARRIAGE between man and woman!

Genesis 2:18 -25 [ESV] says:
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.  

23 Then the man said, 
“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Ephesians 5:22-33 (NIV) says:
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

GOD ordains MARRIAGE between MAN & WOMAN!

I hope this helps you and you make better decisions in your relationships with one another; as I am!

Love, Peace & Christ