Complicated Relationships


The other day, a facebook friend gave a scenario of this couple:

I knew of this young lady who was dating the same guy for over 4 years. She wanted marriage but he didn't want to rush things, even after 2 kids together. I met her on business terms so she was more of an associate than a friend. One day I went shopping and as I went to pay with credit, the cashier saw my name and said 'my name', as if he knew me but I never saw him before. The next day my friend calls to say 'I heard you met my boyfriend...he was asking questions about you'. She said it was the guy who helped you. He recognized my name from her contacts (I guess he assumed I'm the only ____ in the world). About a month later I'm out and about and I see her boyfriend but he was with another woman. I act as if I didn't see him. The next day my friend calls to say 'I heard you saw my boyfriend with another lady...was she pretty?' (I guess he told her thinking that I would as her friend). He got jealous that his girl of 4+ years was friends with me (a younger guy) and she got jealous that he went out with another lady and they both started treating each other differently and in a matter of months they were finally married. She called to tell me what happen and how he didn't want to lose her so he sealed the deal.

The facebook friend asked: was this an example of the Lord works in mysterious ways or the couple playing games?

My response: When one is afraid of commitment for whatever reasons, they play games like such…until pressure comes and they think there are going to lose out. Mature people who are serious about someone and know that’s their partner, they don't play games, like that. The Lord does work in mysterious ways BUT He is not the author of confusion.

 


The scenario this person gave...is one we see too often in our society. It's also another reason. I dislike dating. I'm like Lord, just let my Boaz husband knock on my door and say Do you want to Marry Me...and you give me the okay and we do the thing! Gosh...all this extra stuff is..ugh! Lol. ;)

My experience: I was in a relationship with this guy. [Timeframe: Sept. 2003 - Feb. 2007] In the midst, of our dating. We had a good relationship in the beginning but b/c of us being in the Military and the distance between us...caused us to question, rather we wanted to be with one another. So, instead of cheating on one another. We did the mature thing and called it off. So, we kept breaking up and getting back together. During our off time, he was always jealous if I told him I was seeing someone. We were good friends. So, we always talked to one another. So, he knew if I was seeing someone b/c I'm just so honest. I don't like keeping secrets. Lol!

What he wanted to do was be free to do what he wanted...while away from me BUT he didn't want me to see anyone else. One time we broke up. I told him I couldn't speak to him anymore b/c my new dude didn't want me to. He didn't like that. So, he asked me to marry him. I accepted...despite how it was done..no ring, it was over an email or in our chat thing - it was done via internet. Lol! BUT I loved that guy at the time...and I wanted to get married. So, I accepted. After a few months, we ended up calling it off for good...b/c he didn't really want to get married - he just wanted me to be there by his side. Live in girlfriend forever. I am not about that life!!

We are still friends and you know even though it has been years since we broke it off. In the past, he still got a lil jealous when I was seeing someone. Crazy right! Meanwhile, he's content with his life. No plans of getting married anytime soon. He lives with his girlfriend and their child in a home that they purchased. I mean, why should he get married - he has no reason too. No pressure. He's living the life of a Married Men...without the commitment. Who wouldn't want that life?

As, a Christian Man and Woman who live to please Christ and not the world - we shouldn't want that life for ourselves!

BUT many times Men want their Main Girl (it's the term they use in the street) to be their Ride or Die chick. Because of their fear to commit. Most females want to get married and be settled but men...not so much. They have a fear of marriage. So, they string along females for as long as they can - playing games - just to keep her by their side. Many females, often times settle for this life - despite how they feel deep down.

I believe this is why many men continue to get away with this behavior b/c too many of us females allow it to happen. We have too many females okay with being side chicks, too many female okay with living together and not being married AND way too many females okay with open relationships, etc. To me it shows a low self esteem to some degree...b/c you rather settle for less than what you deserve - just to have someone in your life. Rather than TRUST God to bring you the man you do deserve! BECAUSE Trust you DO deserve to have someone who will love you for who you are and will want to COMMIT to YOU and ONLY YOU! You don't deserve to be treated like some Jack & the Box. Having someone, who pops up when he wants to. God wants better for YOU and until you want better for yourself...you will continue to be used by all those who you allow to use you.







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