Ms. Goody Two-Shoes
I remember when I use to think – how can God use me? I didn’t struggle with the things you hear about all the time that most people do. For instance: I never did drugs, I never had a problem with drinking alcohol. I did drink but I was a social drinker only drank every once in awhile and never to get drunk on purpose. Alcohol was never an issue for me.
I was never into the partying lifestyle. I'm not saying that partying is a sin but what some do when partying: getting high off of drugs, getting drunk/wasted, sexual stuff. ← Doing those things while partying is a no-go! Never had a potty mouth (usage of curse words), etc.
So to many it was like what does Coasta do? It's like if you weren't living like they were living, you weren't living and you didn't have any problems. You were just perfect in their eyes. Many people nicknamed me: “Ms. Goody Two-Shoes”
BUT I wasn't perfect I had problems and I struggled with a low self esteem.
AND being called a Goody Two Shoes, being told you act like a white person (when you are not) and being told you were stuck up.
It didn't help. It made it worse because...I was just being me. I wasn't trying to be anyone else but myself.
My low self esteem issues came from the things that happened to me in my youth and the things people said about me and to me in my face. The things, I thought of myself weren't any better. I thought: You are ugly. You are fat. You are dumb. No one cares about you. Why are you alive? You are a failure. I doubted myself and didn't think anything good could happen for me. I lacked confidence. And I always stood out...so that left a feeling of not fitting in.
I allowed people to take advantage of me in so many ways b/c I didn't realize my worth or potential.
I went about my life...smiling and being nice to people and just being who I was. BUT deep down, I was hurting. I dealt with my emotions internally and in private. So, no one knew. Every so often starting at about age 16. I would just cry out to GOD and ask Him why do you let these people treat me this way? What did I do to deserve this life? Why did you make me the way I am? Why did you put me in this family? I cried myself to sleep, many times. I thought about killing myself more times than a little. I didn't understand why my life had to be so hard? Like could I catch a break? Seriously?
BUT then one day I realized I struggled with the things that just about everyone struggles with... They just covered their issues up with alcohol, drugs, sex and etcetera. They turned to these things b/c of a low self esteem. It helps them mask their issues by providing them with a temporary fix.
AND b/c of my potential. Good ole Satan, was just trying to take me out by keeping me down and out. He tried EVERYTHING to silence me and to keep me in the dark about the TRUTH and what God's word said about me! AND had he been successful. I wouldn't be able to share my stories and tell people about Christ our Savior. The one who died for all of us.
The battle that we face in this life is all spiritual. God would never cause harm on us but if we don't know Him we don't know that. AND if we knew Him and SEEK Him - He will deliver us from the hands of the enemy! [Luke 1:71]
So, how about that GOD can use the Ms. Goody Two Shoes girl! Now, that she is delivered from those things and she understands her worth in Christ Jesus - the great Messiah! She can share her story and others can see how God delivered her and become healed, delivered and set FREE, as well!
So, don't ever allow the voice of the enemy to keep you from moving forward. His job is to kill, steal and destroy you. So, that we have no hope. No life. No future. BUT Jesus came...so that WE could have LIFE and have it ABUNDANTLY and have a FUTURE!
Love, Peace & Christ brings out the True Beauty in YOU!
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