Parents: Love them? Hate them?
Tyler Perry shared an email that he sent to his friend...with the intention of helping people in their relationship with their parents.
I thought it was pretty interesting b/c a lot of people are affected by how their parents brought them up. If they were good parents - typically those children turn into decent adults. If they were not there at all. Those children have a lot of emotional issues in life. AND if they were present and lived with them...but they didn't do things with them; didn't support them; didn't talk to them about life issues or wasn't someone they could go to for life issues; didn't show them love/attention; didn't provide; or lived an interesting lifestyle. It also have an effect on those adult children. Depending on the person, some turn out decent and then some have issues. I personally know b/c I have been there
My parents, I know them. I have lived with them both together and separately through out my childhood including having step-parents thrown in there through different stages. I did not agree with many things they did. They didn't show their support of the things that I did. I don't remember them ever coming to one of my Soccer games; supporting me in my club events for school. Neither of them were at my High School Graduation nor my Graduation from Basic Training in the Army. These days, I don't bother telling them most things until after the fact. To save my little feelings. ;-) Not saying they aren't proud. I'm sure deep down they are...but don't know how to express it properly. [Positive Thinking]
I wasn't able to talk to them about life issues nor do I go to them about my life issues. It bothered me for years but one day I thought about how they were brought up, the fact that they were still teens when they had me and their own mentality and from that day I learned to let that all go...b/c I realized they just didn't know any better. [Think Positive] AND I didn't have to be like them. I just needed to accept them for who they are and keep an open mind about life. Keep learning and BE better. So, that's what I do. I look at them as my role models of what not to be. I know it sounds harsh but it's the truth and sometimes we have to look at circumstances like that. Of course, as they are my parents. I show them love and chat with them every so often.
So, I say to you - if you have a parent where your relationship isn't what you expect. Just accept them for who they are, pray for them, be positive and go about your life the way you believe you should in a positive manner. Being a BETTER parent to your off-springs. Perhaps, through your life...you will teach them to be better...and they will change. Who knows. Just stay positive and don't let any negative relationship...hinder your growth or your ability to love and trust someone. You just gotta think, they just don't know any better. One of my favorite scripture on forgiveness is Luke 23:34: Forgive them; for they know not what they do.
Here is Tyler's msg:
I wrote this note privately to a friend of mine whose father has never been there for him. Even though he's not a kid anymore and is a husband and soon to be a father himself, he's still being affected by it. I told him I would share it with you because I know that there are millions of you in this same situation. I used to be there too. Here's what I wrote to him.
Your dad is getting older and facing his mortality. He's going to become a different man soon. In life, we all become different people. At 20, you're not the same person you are at 50, and if you are, something is wrong. We are built to evolve. Life is an oven that will incubate us into change. Most times it's for the better, although there are some people that are so resistant to it that sometimes they won't change. But if he remains the same that's ok too.
My challenge to you my friend is to start looking at your father like a person. Not the man you see but the boy he was, how he grew up, what he went through. Realize that just like you have had, he has had his own life, pain, heartbreak, struggles, secrets, disappointments and sadness. In other words, he had a life and a story long before you were born and in that life he wasn't given the tools to be what you needed him to be.
As a parent your job is to help your child pack a suitcase for this journey called life. Just like when you go on a trip you pack everything you need. This is the same thing. You must help that child pack love, faith, confidence, patience, joy, hope, how to give love, how to accept it, faith and God. All these things and so much more should be in that suitcase and if they aren't, that child is going to have a tough life. Find out what's in your father’s suitcase. It will help you understand. What's in his suitcase is not an excuse for the way he treats you, but it is a part of your understanding of him.
I know he's a closed door and I know you don't know much about him, but if he won't tell you then maybe there is a family member on his side of the family that can tell you his story. His past is important in understanding your present. Do you understand? At any rate, I don't care who or what he is. I'm just glad he was used to bring such a great and awesome soul to this world, whether he will ever know it or not. I thank him for that. I thank him for you. I love you my friend.