Are You Gonna Hit Me?
My boyfriend and I went out of town with some friends. While in the hotel's club area. I saw some other men from my unit (Military) that I knew. As a Chaplain's Assistant, I pretty much knew everyone in the unit. These guys weren't staying in the hotel and wanted to know if I could put their coats in my room. So, they wouldn't have to carry it around all night. Me not thinking anything of it. I was very young at the time. I said sure, why not. So, I took the coats up to the room.
Later, my boyfriend wanted to leave the hotel to go to another club outside of the hotel. The female who came with us and I didn't care to go. So, we asked for one of the key because at this time. I didn't have a key and neither did she. My boyfriend was acting like he didn't want to give me a key. So, the other guy put his key on the floor to pass it to me with his shoes. Ha. I was like I paid for this room too; you shouldn't have to pass me the key secretly.
Then, I mentioned needing the key to get the men from our unit...coats out of the room and if we females didn't want to go out anywhere else. We would have a key to go back to the room. He got really upset because I had the coats in the room. He then said some ugly stuff towards me. Very loudly in the lobby area. People started staring at us. I was embarrassed. Shock face. Like why would you say something like that to me!? Public humiliation at it's finest!
Then, my boyfriend and I both got into the elevator to go to the room. He didn't want the men coats inside the room. As we got off the elevator and were walking down the hallway back to our room. As I was walking behind him; he was yelling and hitting the wall like some madman.
When we got inside the room. He started yelling directly at me. Then he picked up a Smirnoff glass bottle and raised it to throw at me. Just as he did that the guy who was with us; came inside the room and stopped him. He then slammed the bottle down on the table breaking it. Me in disgust...that he even thought to hit me (throw a bottle at me). I got so out of my character and started yelling at him. Asking him: Were you going to hit me with that bottle? Furious, then the female that was with us... came and we took the coats and went downstairs. I told the men what had happened and well they wanted to handle him. They looked to me as a little sister. They had a few words with him and that ruined the night completely. Our friends who came with us; really only came because of me but after that happened they wanted to leave. I was planning on leaving anyway. So as they walked me downstairs to the cab; they sneaked their stuff too...to leave him all alone. Ha.
I felt sorry for him. So, I told them to go without me because I didn't think he should have been left alone. Well, not like that where everyone just leaves him hanging without him knowing. So, I went back to the room. I told him they had left because of his attitude and because I was so nice and considerate. I thought it would be wrong to leave like that. So, I stayed. Still upset with me; he didn't believe me. So, he left the room and went looking for them. He didn't come back to the room for another hour or so. Seeing that I was right he had brought back with him my favorite candy and a present. Trying to make up to me and apologizing for his actions. He then started crying because he felt alone like no one cared for him, etc.
After that weekend, I didn't feel right about going forward with him and I ended things.
When someone has an abusive side; they are usually signs. The signs, I saw with him were: He was controlling. He was always jealous. He would initiate arguments over simple things and argue in public. Lack of trust. Say ugly things. Not supportive. He would say things to make you feel sorry for him and so one would have pity on him. Oh and the attempt to throw the bottle at me. Take heed to the signs!
Two years later, I found out that he had gotten married and was arrested for domestic abuse. He was drunk and put a nasty beating on his wife. When I heard about the altercation; I was not surprised and glad I left him alone when I did.
What I have learned from that experience and others that weren't physical abuse but emotional abuse. Is that people who are abusive are great manipulators. They will make you feel worthless. They will belittle you. They will say mean and hurtful things to you. They will make you feel like it's your fault. They will make you feel like the bad guy; when in actual reality they are the one with the problem!
Domestic Violence is a No-No. No man should hit a woman and no woman should hit a man. I've personally known both men and women who have been abused by a lover/spouse. It's not cute. So, if you know someone in that situation. Talk to them and help them get out. Some people have kids, no close family or friends and/or no job or money to go anywhere. They feel stuck. So, they stay and put up with things for financial security and for the sake of having a family.
It's not always easy to walk away but if you are in this situation. Please know that GOD loves you and He sent His son just for you. [John 3:16] To take you out of darkness and into LIGHT. [John 10:10] You deserve better. You deserve True happiness. You deserve Peace. You deserve Real Love. ove yourself and know that it is NOT OKAY for anyone to abuse you in any way! Be brave, SEEK Help and walk away!
Trained advocates are available to take your call toll free 24/7 hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). CALL NOW if needed! Website: http://www.thehotline.org/help/